So you have accidentally turned on the MLS.  Or you are in a super-hip soccer bar in Portland/Seattle/idontknowwhereelse and you discover that it’s playoff time and you have heard of almost no one involved.  You were going to get into this, remember?  The World Cup was so awesome!

Good news!  Many of your favorite players are here!  Remember Jermaine Jones? aka, guy with awesome dreads who scored that one goal against Portugal where you were like oh fuk ya USA I believe I believe I believe?  Well, he plays for the “New England Revolution” and they are one step away from MLS glory.  Clint Dempsey is still playing in Seattle and he’s facing off against Landon Donavon’s retirement tour.  So those are the big names, but here are some players that, while being some of the best in the MLS, they either do not play for the U.S. or  have yet to make an impact on the USMNT.

SEATTLE SOUNDERS – Obafemi Martins.

The name is cool enough. The look? Cooler. Martins is famous for this back flip that he performed after a Champions League goal which brought him internet and television-advert glory. Cool. He is also a goal scoring machine. He and Clint Dempsey are one of the most exciting duos in Major League Soccer. He scores a lot. And when he scores announcers get to say his name. And when they say his name it is almost better than when he actually scores. Observe:

LA GALAXY – Gyasi Zardes.

I promise, this is not just a collection of awesome soccer names. Although, surely, Martins and Zardes are in the running for best name in the MLS. Zardes also happens to be really really good at scoring goals, having an awesome haircut and, who would have thought, an amazing instagram account. The goals are great. His music selection? Priceless.


Okay, okay, it is just a collection of cool soccer names. Nguyen has been a mainstay on the Revolution for the past two years and finally they might have a roster that is strong enough to make a run at a championship. Nguyen is probably the only player in the world who has the distinction of playing for Indiana Hoosiers and the Vietnamese professional league. He also does things like this –

Not to mention the fashion sense.  Seriously, looking good, Nguyen.

NY RED BULLS – Bradley Wright Philips.

Some people think Bradley Wright Philips is only great because Thierry Henry is great. That his celebration is annoying and that his greatness is restricted to the pitch. I would like to think that this video proves otherwise.

Lord of the mic indeed.


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