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ALL WEEK / ALL SEASON – Friday kicked off the Holidays, which means there are now all kinds of mediocre/cold activities that you can go to in the Twin Cities whenever you’re feeling bored.  First there’s Skating at the Landmark Center [corporate promotional sponsorship witheld], where St. Paul does it’s best Christmas-in-New-York impression except not awful and crowded and not disgustingly expensive (@ Rice Park, 11 – 5 weekdays, 11 – 10 weekends, 11 – 9 Sundays – FREE, $4 skate rental). Far less good is Nicollet Mall’s HOLIDAZZLE VILLAGE, in which the Twin Cities worst holiday tradition is replaced by an even worse permanent one (@ Nicollet Mall, usually – $3 – 6 holiday pass (??)).  If the Village doesn’t DAZZLE you hough, don’t worry, because the other worst thing about the T.C. holidays is right upstairs – the **legendary** Macy’s 8th floor holiday display!  Another pathetic shadow of it’s former Christmas self, Macy’s “Santaland” has been stuck on the same lame “A Day in the Life of an Elf” theme for the past few years now.  If you are the type of person who is into this and hasn’t already seen it then you are a weirdo and this is the activity for you!  (@ downtown MPLS Macy’s, extremely complex  – either free or $40 depending on how many pictures you take with Santa).

SATURDAY 12/6 – FORGED ARTIFACTS SHOWCASE – Rubert Angeleyes, Frances Camp, Real Numbers, Kitten Forever.  Now that you’ve prematurely overdosed on chilly holiday cheer you can rock out to the Twin Cities version of L.A. – four psych-punk-leaning garage bands representing Minneapolis’s coolest (only cool?) record label.  Yr life probably won’t be changed but it will be a better time than the Mason Jennings concert at First Ave or the LAST EVER Doomtree blow-out over at the Turf Club.  Actually it probably won’t be, but just go with it and support the underdog here ok?  @ the Triple Rock Social Club, 9:30 – $8.  

SUNDAY 12/7 – FIRST AVENUE’S HOLIDAY GARAGE SALE.  You may have missed the Handmade/Heartfelt Black Sunday craft sale at the VFW Thanksgiving weekend, but there’s more weird junk to buy in Minneapolis this week at First Ave’s annual garage sale.  Highlight items include – remains of the Turf Club remodeling (i.e. dead animals), local artist merchandise, and beer. @ First Avenue, 12 – 5 – FREE.

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SEATTLE [gallons]

RED BULL SOUND SELECT PRESENTS: DEAFHEAVEN, USNEA, and LESBIAN – Why?  Cause haven’t you heard that Deafheaven are like *THE* metal band for people who don’t like metal?  Dude?  Cmon.  You haven’t herad “Sunbather” yet?  That shit got like a 15/10 on p4k, what’s yr problem. Plus this show is being put on by Red Bull, so you’ll grow wings if you go.  As if that weren’t enough, and it is, some band called themselves “Lesbian.”  Wednesday @ Chop Suey, 1325 E Madison St., 8:00 – $3/$10.

MATT HERN: SPORTS, CREATIVITY and the RADICAL IMAGINATION – Apparently this Canuck is going to tell us – Americans, for the record – why sports is important.  Make sure to jeer hardest when he tries to describe the merits of baseball.  That’s our pastime, damn immigrant commie!  Thursday @ The New Foundation, 312 2nd Ave S., 7:30 – FREE.

ART UNDER $100 SALE – It’s all in the name.  Except for the food trucks and  (free?) booze, which are not in the name. Saturday @ Seattle Design Center, 5701 6th Ave S., 2-9, FREE, unless you buy art, which will cost <$100.

INTO IT. OVER IT., LEMURIA, DISTRICT – The undisputed finest of the emo revival hit El Corazon this Saturday, tragically opening for the lameos in Into It. Over It.  Srsly, tho, Lemuria kicks ass.  Fuck Ian Cohen.  Saturday @ El Corazon, 109 Eastlake Ave E., 8:00 –  $12/$15.

JEEZY – In the event that emo revival is not yr thing, there’s Jeezy.  Just remember, he’s not young anymore, so he gets to charge a lot for tickets.  Saturday @ Showbox, 1426 1st Ave., 9:00 –  $30/$35.

THE SATANIC TEMPLE OF SEATTLE INFO MEETING – What better way to spend the Sunday after a night of Jeezy and cheap art than learning how to dismantle the religious establishment with the good Satanists who wish nothing more than to combat oppression and undermine evil?  Sunday @ Seattle Public Library, Fremont Branch, 731 N 35th St., 2:30 – $OUL.


BROOKLYN [bartleby]

There is nothing to do in Brooklyn this week. JK there is a lot happening in Brooklyn always b/c Brooklyn is COOL!

PIZZA UNDERGROUND – Aggressively bad pizza-themed Velvet Underground cover band feat. former child star Macaulay Caulkin.  Apparently they give out free pizza at shows, though.  Wednesday @ Bowery Ballroom, 6 Delancey St (not in Brooklyn), 8:00 – $25 (!!).

PINEGROVE – At least one of these guys went to my small liberal arts college.  Wednesday @ Shea Stadium BK, 20 Meadow St, 8:00 – $8.

DJ ?UESTLOVE PRESENTS: BOWL TRAIN – This happens every Thursday, but I’m putting it here to shame myself into going because I still have never gone.  ?uestlove spins soul vinyl and everyone dances like an asshole.  Thursday @ Brooklyn Bowl, 61 Wythe Ave, 10:30 – $7-10.

TEEN – Cool ladyband from Brooklyn.  Thursday @ Glasslands, 289 Kent Ave, 7:00 – $12.

THE UNSPEAKABLE: MEGHAN DAUM IN CONVERSATION W/ EMILY NUSSBAUM – Aging cool people talk about their anxieties in a hip and literary way.  Daum is the author of celebrated essay collection “My Misspent Youth” & Nussbaum is a TV critic for “The New Yorker.”  Friday @ Housing Works Bookstore Cafe, 126 Crosby St (not in Brooklyn), 7:00 – Free.

tUnE-YaRds – Merril Garbus paints her face and uses lots of synth loops.  Thursday – Sunday @ Music Hall of Williamsburg, 66 N 6th St – $35 (Friday and Saturday sold out).

UKELELE WORKSHOP – A bunch of lesbian anarchists will teach you how to play the ukulele.  Saturday @ Bluestockings, 172 Allen St (not in Brooklyn), 2:00 – Free.


There is nothing to do in Portland this week atm, but check back later, it’s still very early there.

**UPDATE** – No actually there is nothing to do in Portland this week.


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